No one to Blame

My son was admitted to partial day treatment at a psychiatric hospital yesterday. Leading up to this, he had been telling me he wanted to go back. He was there when he was 7 when he just had a melt down in school. His little psyche couldn't handle the rejection and not to mention the problems at home. He had no safe place. I was too drawn into my own wife and employee drama to really notice what steps I needed to take to protect my son. Since then, it has been all about my lack of insight as to what it means to protect my son. I know now that I cannot be with anyone else. Right now. My main objective is to get as healthy in my mind and in my heart as possible for my sons sake. He needs my energy to to be healthy not co-dependent unhealthy. We are at a cross roads. His anger at the world is really a cry for desperate structure and consistency. I am being called to the plate. To show off my new skills at self control and calm, even tempered discipline. He wants to know that I am not going anywhere, that mommy can make the hurt go away. I may never have been good at kissing the boo boos, but band aids, those I have plenty of and not running out soon. Later on, its my hope my training in emotional healing will help with the deeper wounds. For now, the meds and some gentle encouragement reminding me that no one is to blame may be what our doctor ordered.